Do you know what it’s like to wake up every morning, having to find a hell of a lot of energy, physical and mental, just to get up in the morning? Not just the, “oh I’m so tired” thing, no. It’s harder and worse than that. It’s more like, “I wish I didn’t wake up this morning, I want to lay here and die”. So then you have to get up, get ready, go down stairs with a smile on your face so your parents don’t see how you really feel to save them all of the stress and pain and worry. Then you have to walk out of the door. You have to face the world. You have to walk to the bus stop. You start thinking to yourself… “Now would be a good idea to ‘accidently’ get hit by a car, no one know any different.” But you think again, maybe right now isn’t your time to go. But that time will come around soon. Then you see people, and back on goes that fake smile. You talk to people, act like everything is fine and couldn’t be any better, when really, in your head, you’re comparing yourself to them, she has prettier eyes, she has longer hair, she’s skinnier, she has a boyfriend, she has a family that loves her. Your head is whirling with thoughts. You stand there, you suddenly blank out, you just stare into space. Your eyes start to water, you choke back the tears, but all you want to do is cry and scream and let all the emotions out. But you don’t. You get to school. You walk around school. You walk in to the form room. People look at you, mock you, ignore you, hardly even say hello to you. You just laugh it all off anyway. You don’t want to be called an attention seeker, but all you want is someone to come up to you and give you a big hug and ask no questions. You laugh and smile your way through the day even though you feel like giving up, walking out of the room, walking out of school, walking to some place no one knows you. Then you go home. Is now the time to get hit by a car? No. You carry on. Your parents don’t even ask how your day was. It seems like no one cares. You go up to your room and lock yourself in there. You put on your music, to drown out the world. It doesn’t really help. Now it’s time to go to sleep. You lay there. Sometimes tossing and turning, or sometimes you lay there so still you seem like you’re dead.Maybe because you want to be. Then all the thoughts come rushing back. They never left, but they’re clear than anything. You have nothing occupying your mind, so you end up thinking about the day. What was said, what was done. Was it all perfect? Why didn’t you say this instead of that? You start to pick out the imperfections of the day. Then you start to pick out the imperfections of your self. Then you start panicking. What about tomorrow? What will tomorrow bring? Eventually you will drift off to sleep, but maybe not until the early hours of the morning. So now, do you understand what it’s like?

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Do you know what it’s like to wake up every morning, having to find a hell of a lot of energy, physical and mental, just to get up in the morning? Not just the, “oh I’m so tired” thing, no. It’s harder and worse than that. It’s more like, “I wish I didn’t wake up this morning, I want to lay here and die”. So then you have to get up, get ready, go down stairs with a smile on your face so your parents don’t see how you really feel to save them all of the stress and pain and worry. Then you have to walk out of the door. You have to face the world. You have to walk to the bus stop. You start thinking to yourself… “Now would be a good idea to ‘accidently’ get hit by a car, no one know any different.” But you think again, maybe right now isn’t your time to go. But that time will come around soon. Then you see people, and back on goes that fake smile. You talk to people, act like everything is fine and couldn’t be any better, when really, in your head, you’re comparing yourself to them, she has prettier eyes, she has longer hair, she’s skinnier, she has a boyfriend, she has a family that loves her. Your head is whirling with thoughts. You stand there, you suddenly blank out, you just stare into space. Your eyes start to water, you choke back the tears, but all you want to do is cry and scream and let all the emotions out. But you don’t. You get to school. You walk around school. You walk in to the form room. People look at you, mock you, ignore you, hardly even say hello to you. You just laugh it all off anyway. You don’t want to be called an attention seeker, but all you want is someone to come up to you and give you a big hug and ask no questions. You laugh and smile your way through the day even though you feel like giving up, walking out of the room, walking out of school, walking to some place no one knows you. Then you go home. Is now the time to get hit by a car? No. You carry on. Your parents don’t even ask how your day was. It seems like no one cares. You go up to your room and lock yourself in there. You put on your music, to drown out the world. It doesn’t really help. Now it’s time to go to sleep. You lay there. Sometimes tossing and turning, or sometimes you lay there so still you seem like you’re dead.Maybe because you want to be. Then all the thoughts come rushing back. They never left, but they’re clear than anything. You have nothing occupying your mind, so you end up thinking about the day. What was said, what was done. Was it all perfect? Why didn’t you say this instead of that? You start to pick out the imperfections of the day. Then you start to pick out the imperfections of your self. Then you start panicking. What about tomorrow? What will tomorrow bring? Eventually you will drift off to sleep, but maybe not until the early hours of the morning. So now, do you understand what it’s like?

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